Love is wonderful, and our commitment to love is expressed through marriage. We celebrate and profess vows. We make promises to one another to stay by each others side in good times and bad, in sickness and in health. These beautiful vows are made with perfect intentions. No matter what comes our way, we will be together 'til death do us part'. Reality may not be what we hoped for; you may end up asking 'what can I do to save my marriage'?
The short answer is a resounding 'yes'. In fact, there are a number of options to try depending on your situation. Marriages are saved, and lost love rekindled, every day. You may feel your situation is beyond hope. Perhaps you have felt the sting of ultimate betrayal, such as adultery, or perhaps you have betrayed your spouse and now regret it. Whatever your situation, there is hope. You are not alone. To save your marriage, you need guidance on what to do and what not to do during the reconciliation process. Your desire to repair your marriage, and not have it end in separation or divorce, is why you are reading this article in the first place.
Your marriage is in one of the six stages of the relationship life cycle:
1. Romance and infatuation
2. After the honeymoon
3. Staking your territories
4. Evaluation
5. Reconnection
6. Commitment
You are likely in stage 4 right now, and wanting to get to stage 5. But you may be also be wondering why you married your spouse in the first place. Perhaps marriage would be better with a different spouse. It is a difficult time realizing the dream, your vision of marriage, is not what you now have. The romance and infatuation stage is long gone and so are the blissful feelings of the honeymoon stage. While this is emotionally very hard, it is also perfectly normal. Closeness and intimacy, and sexual relations, change for the worse and this is the point where one of you may consider an affair. Avoid this no matter how difficult it seems at the moment. Remember you took vows, and now you must develop the skills to reconnect with your partner and change your marriage. Working through this will be painful and difficult, but keep the goal in mind. Make sure you equip yourself with the right tools to make the process more effective. By doing this you can get the result you want and avoid becoming a marriage statistic.
Questions commonly asked at this point include: what should I do if my partner does not want to make an effort to save the marriage, is there a way I can get past the hurt, will we be able to trust each other again. At this point, you need to be cautious and deliberate. Begging for forgiveness or making promises to change may not get a warm reception. Try on the old clich of walking a mile in their shoes. On the other hand, can you forgive your spouse? It might not be easy. These are serious issues and going for a quick fix is not the answer to transforming your marriage. If fact, it will only lead to more hurt. Most marital difficulties develop with time so they take time to fix. Make the effort to have the skills you need to get to stage 5, reconnection. In the end, you will be glad you did and you will know the answer to the question 'is there a way to save my marriage' is a resounding, 'yes'.
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